Stop your grinnin’ and drop your linen, because this week’s batch of original Kotaku reviews is in the pipe, five by five. I’m not sure what that’s supposed to mean, but hey, we reviewed Aliens Vs. Predator this week.

We also reviewed all of the following games, some of which involve guns, plus one movie which had potential to be one of the next great mythological properties, but didn’t seem to pull it off according to our editor-in-chief.

SOCOM: U.S. Navy Seals Fireteam Bravo 3 Review: Fire In The Hole!
In which Mike Fahey enjoys the delayed satisfaction of SOCOM on the go, explains “command equity” and takes it easy.

Hustle Kings Micro-Review: The Color of Fun
In which Owen Good’s non-negative opinion about downloadable pool cue chalk is felt.

Chime Review: Tune In, Drop Out
In which Luke Plunkett discovers the ideal Xbox Live Arcade game to play after a night of heavy drinking—the ultimate XBLA chaser?

STALKER: Call Of Pripyat Review: Third Time’s A Charm?
In which Luke Plunkett gets the blue screen of death and sees red, but is soothed by the thought of telekinetic dwarves.

Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief Review: A Muddled Mess
In which Brian Crecente… wait, he went to the movies while the rest of us were writing about video games?

Aliens Vs. Predator Review: Too Human
In which Brian Crecente discovers that to err is to have to play as the humans, but that multiplayer is divine.

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