​Twilight sucks. Anyone with at least a quarter-brain knows this to be fact. But we’re not here to argue the literary merits — or lack their of — of a book series completely devoid of anything even remotely close to resembling a well-put-together story or character depth. No, instead we look at Twilight‘s greatest detriment to pop culture: the complete and utter butchery of the vampire mythos.

Vampires drink blood. Human blood, specifically. They don’t get to just drink animal blood, go on their hunky dory way without any type of drawback and then make idiotic jokes about being “vegetarians.” Vampires stay out of the sunlight lest they burst into flames. They certainly do not sparkle as though somebody blasted them with a shotgun full of rhinestones. Those are called pixies. And as for vampire baseball… fuck you, Meyer.

The vampires on this list certainly do not represent the cream of the crop themselves. However, despite their relative lameness they still kick the shit out of Twilight‘s sorry excuse for the bloodsucking undead.

Continue reading “9 Lame Vampires Still Cooler than the Vampires in Twilight” >

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