I have just discovered something about Japan: When they make things like videogame controllers you play with your dick, I am no longer bothered. Sure, I was bothered yesterday, but that’s until Great White Snark posted this video of a Japanese TV show getting three incredibly small children to believe they’re being attacked by a zombie. It is one of the most horrifically cruel tricks I’ve ever seen, and I have no idea how it doesn’t constitute child abuse. On the plus side, if you stick past the kids’ initial terror, they do turn into an elite and adorable zombie fighting force. If it had been me, I would have pissed myself with terror and never stopped crying. I wouldn’t have fought, that’s for sure, unless you count having a total emotion breakdown some kind of attack. Then I’d be traumatized for life. I hope one of these kids grows up to be a lawyer and sues the bejeezus out of everyone involved in this thing.

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Japan’s Elite Zombie Defense Force Is Ready