[adjusting bow tie] "Welcome, gentle beings, to the grand opening of SplüüRff.[faint applause]"All of our works here tonight have been created by world-renowned artists, and are available for sale for far more than you can possibly afford. So, ...

"Good season, bakers, good season! A lot of you showed up, some of you made some stuff, a few gave roughly 65%, and I'd say this Easter was our 'best' yet!"Now, let's review how our new designs performed this year. ...

I know we've been seeing some odd Easter treats this week, so today I thought we'd get back to basics.After all, nothing beats a nice, time-honored, classic Easter......loaf of bread.Yep, Easter is now infecting spreading its cheer throughout the entire ...

Ok, bakers, huddle up!Now, listen: Easter is coming. That means a lot of long hours, hard work, and painstaking effort on your part to ensure we make some of the most beautif...BWAHAHAHA!!AHAHAHAHAA!![wiping eyes] Sorry, sorry! I really thought I'd get ...

It's time to talk about the most versatile tool in a baker's cake-decorating arsenal:The plastic clown head.Devotees of the Wilton brand know this staple of cakey flotsam has a long and colorful history:A history made even more colorful when the ...

Remember those helmet-shaped cookie cakes they rolled out for football season?See, you can tell it's a helmet by the two tiny helmets stuck inside it.Well, it turns out that football helmet cakes aren't quite as hot right now, what with ...

Bakers, are you running low on flotsam? Is your curling ribbon on back order? Are you fresh out of teddy bears?Well, never fear! There are plenty of handy flotsam stand-ins lying around even the most basic of kitchens to save ...

Cake expert, Tom Gann: "Pastry chefs, I am leaving you with five minutes to finish your cakes for this week's show. I'm egregiously consternated that some of you might not finish in time, but I ...

As an ab-disadvantaged, rotundity blessed, "fluffy" individual, I appreciate all the finer foods in life. The local Chinese buffet owners even know me by name. ("Oooh, Mr. Pork Man! Table for one?")It's not that I don't care about being ...

We at Cake Wrecks realize that there are some of you who don't celebrate Christmas. Or Hanukkah. Or Kwanzaa. Or any other winter holiday. Heck, you probably don't even like winter all that much. Or snow. Or puppies. ...

If you've read this blog for any length of time, then you may be under the impression that only cakes can be royally wrecked. Well, in honor of National Pastry Day (which was last Thursday [so obviously it's not that ...

Some people collect stamps, or art cards, or limited edition laser-etched Animaniac propeller beanies*.I collect photos of ridiculously decorated gingerbread men.* Actually I'm just hoping this is true, because I'd love to see one.I started when I realized a lot ...

Did you hear that San Francisco recently passed a law saying McDonald's can't give out toys in their Happy Meals? Yep. Apparently they don't think we should entice children to eat food that is bad for them by ...

...'cuz I think these Wreckerators are getting the munchies.And it's really not pretty."Dude. You know what would be AWESOME right now? Fruity Pebbles."Sure, that makes sense. Really. And go ahead and just put it out there on the shelf with ...

"Oy! Sherry! Get over here and teach this new-hire how to make roses.""But, boss, you told us yesterday we could only make Halloween cakes this month.""So?"[sigh] "Ok. We'll figure something out.""Oh, and when you're done, have Newbie make a batch ...

Hello, Wreckies.Look at this cake you want:Now look at the cake you got:Now look at me:Now look at this other cake:Now back to me:Look down.Now back up.This is a horse:Now I'm pink.Now look at the Jonas Brothers:I'm a pirate.Valerie, ...

"And next we have a post-modern commentary on the restricting nature of societal expectations and chauvinistic stereotypes on the modern woman:"That, or Bev got carried away with the ruffle tip again."Good luck explaining that to the 6-year-olds, Roz W. Note: ...

Beware, foolish mortals; the day is coming!A day that strikes terror in the heart of the sane.A day of disgustingly vile visages the likes of which this mortal coil has never seen......plus maybe some baseball.A day of terror...A day of ...

My fellow Americans! Today is a great day. A momentous day. A day......to celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving.[cranking up Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On"]Yes, friends, today...we...CELEBRATE....allthingsCanadian. Which....INCLUDES....WilliamShatner. (aka Captain Kirk)And as we all know, Captain Kirk "boldy goes:"Sometimes under ...

Friends, countrypersons, cake lovers.Today I come to you on a matter of grave concern. (And no, I don't mean that one.)You all know of my longstanding stance on that most unholy of creations; the cupcake cake. [patooie!] Well, friends, today ...

[running in] YOU GUYS! Did you know it's FALL?!?Seriously! Fall! Already!I think I just pooped a pumpkin!At least I'm not the only one.So, now that I know it's officially "Fall," I think I'll kick off my ...

Because sometimes Wreckerators need to confess anonymously, too."My boss made me sweep the floor, even though I didn't make the mess. So I swept up, and then made her a special cake..."...which somehow got set out for sale.""You know that ...

America!Here in America...[dramatic pause]...we believe in... patriotism! Integrity! Courage! We believe that Old Glory should cover not only our hearts......but our stomachs as well.[swelling music]We believe that education and patriotic sprinkles are the bedrock of our society:But mostly the sprinkles.[music ...