Because morbidly obese is the new phat, Oreo has announced they’ll be rolling out (just like your stomach’s gonna be!) a new line of Triple Double sandwich cookies this summer. WTF is a triple double? Nothing you’ll ever perform on the basketball court after pounding a box, that’s for damn sure.

Nabisco’s official statement: “This summer, Oreo will introduce a new ‘twist’ on the iconic cookie: the Triple Double Oreo. Three chocolate Oreo wafers with two layers of creme — one classic vanilla, and one chocolate. While we tried our best to safeguard this news, we couldn’t hold back the buzz.”

As a man who’s eaten an entire box of Oreos and a gallon of milk in a single sitting before, I’ve got to admit: I eat because I’m depressed. But I’m depressed because I eat my life sucks. Not really sure what to do about it. “Just off yourself already!” Wow, has anyone told you should go into counseling? “Thanks, I’ve always considered myself a psychiatrist of sorts”. HA — I meant go see one, dipshit.

Hit the jump for a closeup of a cookie in case you’re wondering just how good they’re gonna be. SPOILER: F***in’ delicious.

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Oh, That’s Why I’m Fat?: Triple Double Oreos