Ah, Halloween. How great are thee. Candy, costumes, and horror movies – you really can’t go wrong. In vein of Halloween, I decided to watch Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus… Let me tell you, it’s a masterpiece of epic proportions. The acting, special effects, dialogue, music, plot, everything is just so absolutely sub-par, you find yourself unable to look away as it flounders into Sci-Fi channel obscurity.

The plot is this: 80 million years ago a Giant Octopus and Shark decided they hated each other, they were battling, and got frozen in some cold stuff that freezes them just perfect enough to thaw and be perfectly a-okay, So it’s Ice…I guess. They are released in the modern world and decide to run amok. Emma, our blond female protagonist, who is supposed to be oceanographer or something – is running around dangerously getting people involved in her carefree antics to get to the bottom of this. See, when they first release the creatures, they aren’t sure what they did – somehow – and then unexplained ocean-related disasters start occurring. This is the point where the greatest scene of all time happens. It can’t be explained with words, it’s short – watch.

“We’re getting married in two days.” I love how he just says that for absolutely no reason. But I digress…

As the plot attempts to unfold and our characters discover the horrifying truth of the beasts they have unleashed, we’re introduced to some more 2 dimensional characters and you realize very quickly that this movie was made to be a drinking game. That’s truly the only logical explanation, because if you aren’t getting more inebriated as the plot goes on – you may stumble as you attempt to actually latch onto something of any emotional value. That aside, it does deliver – somewhat – on what it promises. You get to see some terribly nonthreatening 3D creatures run amok across the world.

Soon, the worlds forces quickly realize that of course – conventional weaponry is no good against these beasts who are apparently immune to combustive explosives and shelling… They then come up with the clearly easy task of deciding to pit the beasts against each other hoping that it will result in some kind of beast celebrity death match.

Without completely revealing everything (ha ha) – you do finally get to see the beasts battle one on one while humans scurry about beneath them pretty much just getting in their way. In this movie the humans are utterly incompetent and pretty much worthless save a distraction – but really, what can we expect?

It’s a cheese-fest, there’s absolutely no denying that – but if you’re with friends, looking for some fun, and love laughing at a movie trip over itself – then it’s worth it, but you’re probably going to want to bring some hard booze. Happy Halloween! (Trailer below)