It is an unfortunate truth that the glory days of platform trolling are behind us. Where once we had an enormous variety of targets with their many foibles—the legendary user-friendliness and rich capabilities of MS DOS, Apple’s infamous low prices, Windows NT’s svelte size and minimal hardware demands, IBM’s memorable and effective OS/2 marketing campaigns, BeOS’s rich selection of software, Linux’s top-notch hardware support—the computing world of today is so much more boring.

Those features that were once so important to the platform wars—preemptive multitasking, protected memory, and multiuser security, to name a few—are now taken for granted. No mainstream operating system goes without.

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Feature: The 21st century guide to platform trolling: Windows edition